Candlelit waltz

[Craig Herbertson]

Candlelit waltz
New Year’s Eve
Craig Herbertson 2007



Evening falls, fumbles his bowtie

Laying his cloak to shade the sun

Still hours, standing in darkness

Feeling your heartbeat.

Breathing perfumed air



You, heavenly dancer

Stealing candlelight from the stars

To light us with so many lanterns,

Flickering flames,

They all were dancers,


Awed by your beauty, owing their story,

To the light hearted movement

The Heavenly dancer, dancing on stars


Bride and groom, harlequin shadows

Moonborn thieves, glittering magpies

Spilled by bells they fly to the darkness

Leaving the silence

The endless years


Morning smiles through cinnamon rafters

Kissing last shadows deserting the halls

Here I stand in the old ruined mansion

Waiting with ashes

[carolinec]

Hey Craig - I'm not really much of a poetry fan - never have been - but the strange thing is, I've been getting into it a bit more lately - must be my age! I've even written one myself, but I daren't show it to anyone!

I liked this one - it conjured up some great imagary in my mind. For some reason, I wanted to add an extra bit to the last line, though:
"Waiting with ashes to see you again"

Don't know if that helps at all? Like I said, I'm not an authority on poetry - it's just whether it paints a good "mind-picture" for the reader or not, I guess? And this one did for me.

[Craig Herbertson]

Thanks cc.

I got into poetry fairly late. I am a big fan of Yeats.

The problem with poetry is you pretty much bare your soul in a very short space of time and can be easily slapped in the face.

This was a song lyric I wrote for a dancer - i am squeamish about the use of Heavenly but really it was the only suitable description of a girl who seems to dance on another, better planet. It works as a kinf of Pavoritti song but I don't know if I'll ever record it.

[benedictjjones]

i enjoyed this but i think me trying to be critical on poetry can be slightly pointless as apart from haikus it just hasn't stuck with me yet.

however for what it is worth -

i liked the 'fumbling with his bow tie' line; a nice piece of imagery which is what i look for in poetry. 'cinnamon rafters' also hit me as good in that it invoked other senses such as smell and touch as well as sight.

[coral]

Craig, that's beautiful.

[Craig Herbertson]

Thanks Coral and Benedict. Much appreciated. I wish I could just get the song recorded but its not working out